As I’m sitting at home in Sarasota, about to head to the beach to soak up some sun (80 degrees on December 22nd! YES!), I came to the realization that this year is about to end. Obviously I already knew this, but somehow being in new (or old) surroundings has a way of making me think about things a little bit differently. This year has been quite eventful to say the least, and I kind of wish I had actually kept up with this little blog better, but perhaps that will be my new years resolution haha.
This year was interesting. I experienced many rather dramatic, and “wow! I’m kind of an adult now” moments. That is super vague, I know, but it will hopefully become clearer by the end of this post.
I think that perhaps the greatest thing I learned this year was the true beauty of having a friend that REALLY gets you. When you’re a child you’re taught that friends are key to a good life, and you learn how to be a good friend and what exactly you expect and need in friendship. In fact, it seems like most of the lessons we learn throughout life are really about how to treat others well. From a young age we learn the golden rule, we learn about the importance of honesty, we learn about loyalty and how to avoid jealously, etc. All of these things aid in creating meaningful relationships throughout life, and it’s not surprising that we’re constantly learning about strengthening friendships since our God created us to be very relational beings.
Anyways, I am an INCREDIBLY relational being! And by that I mean that I’m pretty bubbly and outgoing, and probably talk too much haha. Anyways, I’ve had many great friends throughout my 21 years on planet earth, but I think that over the last year I really began to understand what it looks like to find a truly kindred spirit. I learned this through a rather awful time of tension between my dearest friend and I.
As I mentioned earlier, this year was fairly full of unexpected trials, most of which I had never experienced and didn’t really know how to deal with. There were a lot of “grown-up” moments when I just wanted to scream out “I AM JUST A KID!!!! I can’t deal with this!”
In order to tell my tale I must backtrack a bit.
Fall of 2010 was the toughest semester of my LIFE! Academically it was killer and I ended up with the worst grades of my college career, and as a bit of a perfectionist that was hard, but it was also a very emotionally trying semester. I experienced my first taste of heartbreak and all of the dramatic emotions that go along with that, a dear friend’s daddy passed away, and basically I just struggled with believing that I had a purpose in life at all. I felt kind of like my identity, the Grace Waugh that everyone knew and had (hopefully!) come to love wasn’t there anymore. I didn’t feel like my normal optimistic self. I felt kind of like I was walking around with a mask on, trying to hide how I was really feeling, only showing my real self to a few people. Overall, I think that I was quite a pain that semester. I doubt that I was much fun to be around because I was just REALLY out of sorts. But, this one dear friend in particular listened to me rant and rave, and vent and complain, and process emotions for countless hours. She was there through probably the ugliest part of my life thus far, and without her I’m really not sure where’d I’d be emotionally and spiritually right now. God used her words and actions in amazing ways that semester and I’ll never forget the love and empathy that she showed me.
That brings us to 2011. Spring of 2011 the tables were turned and it was my turn to be the empathetic and caring friend. Of course, it is always my goal to be that kind of friend, but this time it was HARDER than I could have imagined. Just as I’d been dealing with new and unexpected problems in the fall, she was dealing with some really heavy stuff that neither of us had any idea how to deal with. I feel kind of like the spring semester was a paint by numbers canvas, but somehow the numbers got really jumbled up and some of the paint accidentally got mixed and nothing was really how it was supposed to be. Basically, we had all of the tools we needed to communicate well, to deal with the drama that arose in a mature and Godly way, and to keep our friendship in tact, but it went a bit array.
It wasn’t like we started to hate each other and never wanted to be around one another. In fact, I’m pretty sure nobody else noticed that there was a strain between us at all. We hung out as much as ever, we talked about everything, we were the dynamic duo as always. The difference was inside. There were a lot of hurt feelings and annoyances that piled up and eventually started to choke the friendship we’d spent 3 years growing. So, after many dramatic and not-so-dramatic occurrences we both felt like our friendship was over, or at least beyond repair, but neither of us really verbalized that. We just kept TRYING to be supportive, TRYING to love even when we really didn’t feel loved, TRYING to be there like good friends should be, even when it felt incredibly fake and pointless. We tried to focus on the good things that we’d experienced during our friendship, and to attempt to somehow get out of the rut we’d fallen into.
Long story short, this fall we became closer than ever, and I really think that this lovely friendship is God’s reward to us for remaining faithful and devoted to one another through the doldrums. We drove each other nuts for most of the last year, but we didn’t dessert. We stayed close by, even when it seemed like the person we’d initially befriended didn’t really exist anymore.
This year has been a beautiful illustration of God’s faithfulness and grace towards me. How many times have I messed up? How many times have I neglected or ignored the lover of my soul? How many times have I belittled my talents and purpose? Countless times. But, he remains faithful through it all. He’s given me the free gift of wholeness and continual forgiveness. His love doesn’t change, even when I’m going through a giant transition in my life and I seem to be changing for better or worse. He gives me the same overwhelming love and faithfulness every single day. I can’t even comprehend how hard it is to treat me so graciously! I have a hard enough time trying to be a good daughter, a good friend, a good student, and a good co-worker. My God is unfathomable. He is GOOD beyond belief.
My very own dear Jessie did a pretty great job of displaying Jesus’ qualities to me over the last year, and I am SO grateful that God brought her into my life freshman year. Without her Belmont would be a different place, and I would be a different person. It’s pretty beautiful how God can use one little person to change another little person’s entire life.
Anyways, as Christmas is approaching I’m constantly reminded of God’s faithfulness to his people in sending Jesus our way, and I’d like to encourage you all to reflect on the beauty of His love and the peace that we can have because of it. I’d also like to encourage you to think back over the last year of your life and to realize all of the amazing ways God has faithfully provided for you, especially in terms of relationships. It is awesome.
This is the longest blog post ever, but I felt compelled to share! Thanks to anyone that actually got through the whole thing! :)
Know, recognize, and understand therefore that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God, Who keeps covenant and steadfast love and mercy with those who love Him and keep His commandments, to a thousand generations.
Deuteronomy 7:9
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