Musings on Faithfulness

As I’m sitting at home in Sarasota, about to head to the beach to soak up some sun (80 degrees on December 22^nd! YES!), I came to the realization that this year is about to end. Obviously I already knew this, but somehow being in new (or old) surroundings has a way of making me think about things a little bit differently. This year has been quite eventful to say the least, and I kind of wish I had actually kept up with this little blog better, but perhaps that will be my new years resolution haha.

This year was interesting. I experienced many rather dramatic, and “wow! I’m kind of an adult now” moments. That is super vague, I know, but it will hopefully become clearer by the end of this post.

I think that perhaps the greatest thing I learned this year was the true beauty of having a friend that REALLY gets you. When you’re a child you’re taught that friends are key to a good life, and you learn how to be a good friend and what exactly you expect and need in friendship. In fact, it seems like most of the lessons we learn throughout life are really about how to treat others well. From a young age we learn the golden rule, we learn about the importance of honesty, we learn about loyalty and how to avoid jealously, etc. All of these things aid in creating meaningful relationships throughout life, and it’s not surprising that we’re constantly learning about strengthening friendships since our God created us to be very relational beings.

Anyways, I am an INCREDIBLY relational being! And by that I mean that I’m pretty bubbly and outgoing, and probably talk too much haha. Anyways, I’ve had many great friends throughout my 21 years on planet earth, but I think that over the last year I really began to understand what it looks like to find a truly kindred spirit. I learned this through a rather awful time of tension between my dearest friend and I.

As I mentioned earlier, this year was fairly full of unexpected trials, most of which I had never experienced and didn’t really know how to deal with. There were a lot of “grown-up” moments when I just wanted to scream out “I AM JUST A KID!!!! I can’t deal with this!”

In order to tell my tale I must backtrack a bit.

Fall of 2010 was the toughest semester of my LIFE! Academically it was killer and I ended up with the worst grades of my college career, and as a bit of a perfectionist that was hard, but it was also a very emotionally trying semester. I experienced my first taste of heartbreak and all of the dramatic emotions that go along with that, a dear friend’s daddy passed away, and basically I just struggled with believing that I had a purpose in life at all. I felt kind of like my identity, the Grace Waugh that everyone knew and had (hopefully!) come to love wasn’t there anymore. I didn’t feel like my normal optimistic self. I felt kind of like I was walking around with a mask on, trying to hide how I was really feeling, only showing my real self to a few people. Overall, I think that I was quite a pain that semester. I doubt that I was much fun to be around because I was just REALLY out of sorts. But, this one dear friend in particular listened to me rant and rave, and vent and complain, and process emotions for countless hours. She was there through probably the ugliest part of my life thus far, and without her I’m really not sure where’d I’d be emotionally and spiritually right now. God used her words and actions in amazing ways that semester and I’ll never forget the love and empathy that she showed me.

That brings us to 2011. Spring of 2011 the tables were turned and it was my turn to be the empathetic and caring friend. Of course, it is always my goal to be that kind of friend, but this time it was HARDER than I could have imagined. Just as I’d been dealing with new and unexpected problems in the fall, she was dealing with some really heavy stuff that neither of us had any idea how to deal with. I feel kind of like the spring semester was a paint by numbers canvas, but somehow the numbers got really jumbled up and some of the paint accidentally got mixed and nothing was really how it was supposed to be. Basically, we had all of the tools we needed to communicate well, to deal with the drama that arose in a mature and Godly way, and to keep our friendship in tact, but it went a bit array.

It wasn’t like we started to hate each other and never wanted to be around one another. In fact, I’m pretty sure nobody else noticed that there was a strain between us at all. We hung out as much as ever, we talked about everything, we were the dynamic duo as always. The difference was inside. There were a lot of hurt feelings and annoyances that piled up and eventually started to choke the friendship we’d spent 3 years growing. So, after many dramatic and not-so-dramatic occurrences we both felt like our friendship was over, or at least beyond repair, but neither of us really verbalized that. We just kept TRYING to be supportive, TRYING to love even when we really didn’t feel loved, TRYING to be there like good friends should be, even when it felt incredibly fake and pointless. We tried to focus on the good things that we’d experienced during our friendship, and to attempt to somehow get out of the rut we’d fallen into.

Long story short, this fall we became closer than ever, and I really think that this lovely friendship is God’s reward to us for remaining faithful and devoted to one another through the doldrums. We drove each other nuts for most of the last year, but we didn’t dessert. We stayed close by, even when it seemed like the person we’d initially befriended didn’t really exist anymore.

 This year has been a beautiful illustration of God’s faithfulness and grace towards me. How many times have I messed up? How many times have I neglected or ignored the lover of my soul? How many times have I belittled my talents and purpose? Countless times. But, he remains faithful through it all. He’s given me the free gift of wholeness and continual forgiveness. His love doesn’t change, even when I’m going through a giant transition in my life and I seem to be changing for better or worse. He gives me the same overwhelming love and faithfulness every single day. I can’t even comprehend how hard it is to treat me so graciously! I have a hard enough time trying to be a good daughter, a good friend, a good student, and a good co-worker. My God is unfathomable. He is GOOD beyond belief.

 My very own dear Jessie did a pretty great job of displaying Jesus’ qualities to me over the last year, and I am SO grateful that God brought her into my life freshman year. Without her Belmont would be a different place, and I would be a different person. It’s pretty beautiful how God can use one little person to change another little person’s entire life.

Anyways, as Christmas is approaching I’m constantly reminded of God’s faithfulness to his people in sending Jesus our way, and I’d like to encourage you all to reflect on the beauty of His love and the peace that we can have because of it. I’d also like to encourage you to think back over the last year of your life and to realize all of the amazing ways God has faithfully provided for you, especially in terms of relationships. It is awesome.

This is the longest blog post ever, but I felt compelled to share! Thanks to anyone that actually got through the whole thing! :) 

Know, recognize, and understand therefore that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God, Who keeps covenant and steadfast love and mercy with those who love Him and keep His commandments, to a thousand generations.

Deuteronomy 7:9

Musings on Senior Year!

As I’m sitting in my lovely little house attempting to study for a test I suddenly got the urge to write a blog post, which is kind of odd because I haven’t posted in about 3 months…. Ooops! Haha. The other day a friend of mine brought this to my attention and said I needed to change that, so here I am making an effort to start my little blog up again.

SENIOR YEAR. Wow. It’s hard to believe that I’ve been at Belmont for that long and that I’m creeping up to the finish line quite quickly. The closer I get to graduation the further away I feel from knowing what exactly I want to do with my life. But it’s interesting because you might think that this would totallllly freak me out and cause worry and confusion BUT instead God has changed my view completely. I’m excited by the fact that I don’t have super clear ambitions yet. It simply means that I can go anywhere, do anything, and basically just be ME and everything will work out beautifully.

I heard a sermon a few months ago in which our pastor was talking about following God’s favor in your life. He said something like “if you’re a singer sing! If you’re an accountant account! If you’re kind be KIND!” It was a very simple point, but it hit me head on. Throughout my college experience I’ve doubted my talents and strengths. I’ve spent many nights thinking about what exactly I’m passionate about, what I love to do the most, and as a classical piano major I came to the rather alarming conclusion that playing the piano is not it. I wasted a lot of time worrying about my major, and wondering why I was even in school. I felt like I was the only person on the face of the earth that felt SUPER confused about their gifts and talents. It was almost like I started believing that I just didn’t have any.

One thing that I’ve always known I’m good at and that I enjoy is being around people. Encouraging people, making gifts for people, talking to people, and helping people are my favorite things to do! Kind of abstract I know, but those were the only things that I felt sure of. But I felt very confused about how those personality traits would fit into a career or my “grown up” life. I just wanted God to tell me WHAT I was good at, what I needed to DO, I wanted him to explain to me what I’m passionate about and why, and what I could do with it.

Hearing that just being kind and bubbly, that just being me was following God’s favor INSPIRED me! I suddenly realized that I didn’t have to do something tangible like making something or playing music or whatever in order to be using my talents. God created my to thrive when I’m helping others, God created my to encourage and love, those are my talents. Those are my passions. WOW. That’s a pretty great realization because basically I know that I will be successful anywhere doing anything simply because I am ME and I am HIS! It sounds kind of silly to say that I could be happy working anywhere as long as I’m around people and as long as I’m helping people, but that’s really how I feel. And guess what! That’s OKAY! I don’t have to know exactly what and where and how and when. I just have to follow. What a relief! J

So, as senior year progresses I will constantly remind myself that I am valuable and talented simply because I am a daughter of the King! I refuse to worry about the future. I refuse to waste any of these last lovely college moments by freaking out about what will happen AFTER graduation. I’m provided for so there is nothing to worry about. That is GREAT news J

This scripture has been the theme for my semester and I wanted to share it with you. I’ve been thinking a lot about glorifying God through everything I do, and for a college student ablaze with Senior-itis it seems almost impossible to try my best at everything because I really feel quite apathetic about academia right about now. So I’ve been trying really hard to work ahead and stay on top of my school work this semester. I’m trying to do well, even if I don’t really enjoy a class. I’m trying to focus on the positive elements of my job, of being a piano major, of taking entrepreneurially financial management (AHHHH!!!!), and of being a student in general. I’m determined to put my best foot forward and have the greatest semester of my life, both relationally and academically. So, my prayer has been that God would reward my efforts and give me more energy, more tenacity, more joy, more passion, just MORE really. I’ve been asking him to “confirm and establish the work of my hands”. Whether it be writing an essay, researching for a revenue forecast, memorizing a Chopin ballade, or sizing clothes at Anthropologie, I’m asking for confirmation and establishment in all areas of my life. This verse has been the fuel to my fire this semester and I’d encourage everyone to just make this simple request to the Father. He will surprise you with how awesome his provision is! I promise.

“And let the beauty and delightfulness and favor of the Lord our God be upon us; confirm and establish the work of our hands--yes, the work of our hands, confirm and establish it.”

Psalm 90:17

Musings on Circumstances

Dependency.  This summer I am learning a lot about dependency. I’m realizing once again how dependent I tend to be on others, which always leads to finding my value in my circumstances and the people that surround me, rather than in my identity as a beloved daughter of the most high. I’m realizing more and more the intense longing and loneliness that begins to accumulate in me when I’m not clinging to my Father. I go through phases (like last week for instance… haha) of feeling lonely, unloved, uninteresting, and untalented, etc, simply based on my circumstances.

Those feelings of sadness and worthlessness can feel SO strong at times that I begin to falter and buy into some very big lies about my identity.  I want last week to be the last phase of that kind EVER in my life. I do NOT buy into satan’s lies about who I am. He has no power here because “here”, in ME, is the house of God. My circumstances do not define my life and value and I refuse to let them drag me away from my Father’s arms, because when I step even an inch away from Him I cannot live.

 I am created in the image of God. THE IMAGE OF GOD!!!!! I can’t even comprehend the weight of that statement. It means that I (and YOU) don’t have an unloved or uninteresting or untalented bone in our bodies. We are created for greatness because our God is great. We are beautiful because our God is beautiful beyond explanation. We are talented because our abilities reflect His divine personality. We are purposeful and thriving because he has promised us that that is His plan for us.

So in the seasons of doubt and confusion I will remind myself ALWAYS of who I am. I am HIS! That is sufficient, more than sufficient actually, and gives me a ridiculously awesome purpose and identity. J

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

16Therefore we do not become discouraged (utterly spiritless, exhausted, and wearied out through fear). Though our outer man is [progressively] decaying and wasting away, yet our inner self is being [progressively] renewed day after day.

    17For our light, momentary affliction (this slight distress of the passing hour) is ever more and more abundantly preparing and producing and achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory [beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calculations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease!],

    18Since we consider and look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are visible are temporal (brief and fleeting), but the things that are invisible are deathless and everlasting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fv48ENB2XXU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-66KeF1LQ4

Musings on Identity!

Summer is well underway! I’m not sure exactly how I feel about it so far, but I know it is going to be full of growth and learning, and some fun too I suppose J

Living in a house and buying groceries and paying bills and all of that stuff is super weird and I’m left feeling more and more like a real life adult, but also more and more like a little kid lost in the store searching for my mom and dad. I find myself constantly seeking advice and opinions and affirmation from others, particularly my parents. It’s weird how getting older and becoming more independent almost makes you long for your childhood days. I’m certainly not completely independent yet, nor do I really want to be, but I feel like I’m starting to get a taste of what being a “grown up” means. It seems that it gets harder and harder to be content and at peace with life the older I get, which basically means that the older I get/the more independence I gain the more and more and MORE I am reminded of how desperately I need God’s grace and peace and joy and DIRECTION in my life!

Last weekend my sis and I went to a conference at a church here in Nashville. Kris Vallotton from Bethel Church in Redding, California spoke and it was super awesome! I listen to his podcasts frequently so it was really fun to see him in person. Anyways, one of the main topics that Kris addressed was our identity in Christ. His message was an excellent reminder of exactly WHO I AM and WHY I’M HERE, which I definitely needed to hear. Thus far this summer has been a tad bit depressing. Not in a really dramatic “I hate my life and I’m going to go sit in a corner and cry” kind of way, but just with work and friends and general day-to-day life things I’ve been feeling very aimless and out of sorts. I don’t really enjoy either of my new jobs right now and I’ve been struggling to see the purpose behind why God brought me to the specific jobs and groups of people that I am now immersed in for the next couple of months. I feel a bit like I’m walking around with a blindfold on. I can’t really see what’s going on around me, or what’s coming around the bend. This is both exciting and terrifying!

All of these melancholy thoughts have left me feeling rather purposeless, which lead me to somewhat forget entirely about my true identity. Kris talked a lot about how we become what we think the most important person in our life thinks we are, and since the creator of the UNIVERSE is the most important figure in my life than clearly I am a chosen, desirable, loved, beautiful, PURPOSEFUL, talented, outgoing, etc. heir to the throne! Which means that everything I do is for a reason, and that I am where I’m suppose to be. I am MEANT to be in Nashville, TN in a house on Acklen, working at Anthropologie, nannying, sitting around at Fido, talking to the specific people I encounter each day, etc. All of these simple day-to-day events and responsibilities were set out for me specifically, for this season of my life specifically to further the gospel and spread the unfathomable love that I experience daily. That’s pretty darn encouraging and awesomeeeeeee to think about! And since “we are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose” I can be at peace at ALL times. I am called according to His design and purpose soooooo when I’m sitting around feeling like there is no possible reason for all of the things that are happening to me and in my life I must remind myself that that idea is utterly FALSE!

In a nutshell I feel like I am learning a LOT about how important it is to be grounded in my identity in Christ. Without understanding who I am and who’s I am I can do nothing. There will be no momentum, and there will be nothing even remotely awhirl about my life unless I am fully grounded in my identity in Christ. This week as I’ve been delving deeper into God’s word and as I have strived to set my mind and heart on my true identity I have experienced more and more of the unexplainably overflowing peace that our heavenly Father gives! I’ve felt more joyful at work, I’ve felt more purposeful in the relationships and situations I’m in, and it’s been overall a MUCH better week than the last J I know that this will be a pattern of growth for the rest of the summer (and of my life!!!!) and I’m excited and curious to see how God will move in me, his CHOSEN daughter, this summer!

  Romans 8:28-31!

28We are assured and know that [[j]God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.

    29For those whom He foreknew [of whom He was [k]aware and [l]loved beforehand], He also destined from the beginning [foreordaining them] to be molded into the image of His Son [and share inwardly His likeness], that He might become the firstborn among many brethren.

    30And those whom He thus foreordained, He also called; and those whom He called, He also justified (acquitted, made righteous, putting them into right standing with Himself). And those whom He justified, He also glorified [raising them to a heavenly dignity and condition or state of being].

    31What then shall we say to [all] this? If God is for us, who [can be] against us? [Who can be our foe, if God is on our side?]

Musings on Growing Up!!! AH!!!

This is from a couple of weeks ago, but it still ties into my life right this moment soooooo I’m going to post these thoughts along with some newer ones J

May 7^th, 2011

I’m sitting in the airport starting to miss home already. It’s funny how attached you can be to your hometown and its surroundings even if you feel like you don’t even really love the town itself. I was home this weekend for my big sister’s college graduation and it’s been quite surreal! It seriously seems like only moments ago we were little girls frolicking around outside and playing with our American Girl Dolls, yet here we are all grown up, well, sort of anyways J

This week has been an odd one. I had two finals, flew home for two days, flew back to Nashville for more finals and RA duties and began moving into my OFF CAMPUS HOUSE!!!! I feel strangely old/mature and also strangely young and naïve. A VERY big part of me wants to stay at home in Florida for the summer, but a small part of me is excited for my first Nashville summer, and for my big sister to finally live with me again. HOORAY! I’m kind of (meaning VERY) afraid of this step towards adulthood. I don’t really know why I’m staying in Nashville this summer except that it made logical sense since we couldn’t get out of paying rent for the summer. God has already been providing financially in awesome ways for me, and my family, and I have two jobs set up for the summer! He has also provided beautiful friendships and a great support system for me here in Nashville and it is becoming ever clearer that God wants me here this summer. Which is AWESOME but also kind of scary…. but mostly exciting!

So, my sister is done with college and starting a brand new chapter of life, and I’m a SENIOR now. BIZZARE! It’s been so weird watching all of the goodbyes and I’ll miss yous and OMG we’re DONEs from my sis and her friends. I can’t help but imagine myself a year down the road as I reach for my diploma and leave college behind. Where will I be headed? Who will be my dearest friends? What will I want to do? How different will I be? And ultimately, what does God have in store for that stage of my life?!?!?! but even more relevant than that…. What does God have in store for this summer?! I have no idea, but It’ll be AMAZING I’m sure J

May 19^th, 2011

So, here I am 2 weeks after all of that graduation craziness, and a week into one of my jobs and a week of living in our new place. My sister moved down on Saturday and the summer has officially started! I’m struggling quite a lot with contentedness and patience as the summer starts. I’m not loving my job, I’m rather stressed about paychecks and rent and all of the complications that money seems to bring to life, and there is some friend drama and struggles that aren’t particularly welcome….. But as I’ve been sitting around being generally pathetic and moping and feeling sad and sorry for myself and the situation that have been coming up in my life the Lord has convicted me once again of my attempts to fill my heart with things other than Him. It’s a trap I seem to fall into very easily! I suppose all of us do really, it’s an unfortunate and SUPER lame part of being human. I’ve been thinking only of myself, and how I could achieve something or receive something from my job and my friends, and even from the Lord. I feel helpless and hopeless, I feel like all of my weaknesses are sticking out and very obvious to those around me, and I feel like I have no idea what is going on! As these feelings began to take root in my heart a dear friend of mine reminded me that Jesus is my BEST FRIEND. He is the end all be all, he is the ONLY thing I need and the ONLY thing that will alleviate the stress and hurt and worry I’m experiencing. It’s about HIM not ME! This summer and my entire life exists only to bring Him glory, and I will do what He has asked of me and I will be thankful of all that He has provided for me, and will be joyful whether I see the purpose behind it or not. Ohhhhhh how easily I forget the depth of his love and his glorious position in my life! This summer is clearly going to be a time of growth and learning. I’m already learning so much about patience and what love REALLY is and how I need to improve in my attitudes and actions when loving others, and it’s only been ONE week!

So, as the summer progresses I know I will not survive without this reminder of God’s position and mercy over my life:

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.] Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls. For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good--not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne.”

Matthew 11:28-30

So, that’s a little bit of what’s going on in my mind right about now. I hope that as this new season begins that we will all be constantly reminded of God’s purpose and grace over our lives. This season is a new journey and transition for many and I pray that we will take it as an opportunity to grow and lean on the Lord rather than fall into stubbornness and silliness as I have recently been susceptible to J

I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency].

Phillippians 4:13

Musings on Provision!

It’s extremely amazing to see how God provides for his children. As the semester is drawing to an end and a new chapter of life is about to begin I’ve spent quite a bit of time reflecting over the last year and how God’s provision is so easily seen in hindsight. It’s funny how we sometimes forget how completely in control He is when we’re caught up in the moment, especially since we humans tend to be so darn emotionally charged and often fearful of all of the possible outcomes of the situations we face. Looking back over all of the difficulties and joys of my junior year, both personally and in my friends’ lives, I so clearly see how uncannily perfect God’s timing is. There have been many times that I’ve doubted and become impatient and confused about how God is moving in my life. Sometimes I feel like He’s moving soooooo slow and maybe doesn’t really know what’s best for me afterall….. it’s funny how our idea of time is so completely different than God’s. What seems like an eternity of waiting around ATTEMPTING to be patient is just a blink of an eye to Him it seems.

Just in the last month God has provided for and blessed me in so many ways! I have a house to live in next year, I have TWO jobs for the summer, I get to go home in 4 days to see my big sister graduate, I get to live OFF CAMPUS with my SISTER and two dear friends, I have a new appreciation of how incredibly blessed I am to have the family that I have, and I’ve been blessed to grow massively in old friendships as well as brand new friendships this semester. Oddly enough, only a few weeks ago I was feeling so fearful and impatient about the summer and next semester in general, but God met every single one of my needs. Funny how he ALWAYS does that J Even now as I’m typing this I’m beginning to worry about the electric bill for my house and how much money I’ll have to spend on furniture and whether the 4 of us girls will really get along as roommates and whether I’ll play my pieces well or not at my piano jury, etc. It’s crazy how quickly these fears and doubts creep into my mind! My prayer for myself, and all of us, as this busy end of the semester craziness begins/continues is that we will continually trust in God’s grace and provision in our lives. He works ALL things together for our good and we have NOTHING to worry about! Just keep confessing that over yourself because it is so incredibly TRUE and freeing! As we face fears and stress we must cling to and trust the Lord. His provision and love WILL sustain us in the present and also in our future.

For the Lord God is a Sun and Shield; the Lord bestows [present] grace and favor and [future] glory (honor, splendor, and heavenly bliss)! No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.  12O Lord of hosts, blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man who trusts in You [leaning and believing on You, committing all and confidently looking to You, without fear or misgiving]!                                                 Psalm 84:11-12

Also, here's a favorite bit of poetry for the week :)

Being to timelessness as it’s to time,

love did no more begin than love will end;

where nothing is to breathe to stroll to swim

love is the air the ocean and the land.

Musings on Spring!

 

As a rather naive kid from the gulf coast of Florida I sometimes forget about the beauty and wonder of the seasons. In my hometown everything stays green year round and a visible change of seasons basically doesn’t exist, it is also 85 degrees or more for probably 75% of the year… haha. Anyways, as spring is really kicking in I find myself super inspired by the beauty of the growth and rebirth displayed by nature. Flowers are sprouting everywhere you look and the trees are once again lush and green. There is something mystical, exciting, and indescribable about spring! I think spring is my favorite of the four seasons, largely because of the bright and lively colors and the general cheerful mood it inspires in people, but also because it is such an excellent reminder of God’s promises for provision and growth to us.


In my last post I talked about growth and how this last season of my life has been quite tumultuous and full of lessons. It is very interesting to me that the most seemingly crazy, stressful, and generally whirling season of my life was during the fall and winter. Oddly enough, the seasons seemed to match my feelings pretty perfectly. Last semester I felt a bit like I was losing everything like the autumn leaves falling from the trees, a bit like my heart was freezing over, like the chilly winter frosts, and a LOT like something was changing and beginning to grown in my heart, like the first hints of spring!


It’s pretty amazing that God creates seasons both in our lives and on this crazy planet we live on. Lately I think that God has been patiently reminding me (through wonderful friends, family, and by providing TWO new jobs!) that his grace and provision is sufficient for me, and he is growing a new sense of joy and patience in my heart, kind of like the beautiful flowers (especially Daffodils!!!!) that are sprouting around Nashville this spring. He is teaching me the true meaning of waiting on him. His plan is always a GAZILLION times better than anything I could ever imagine or attempt to plan out for myself, but I lose sight of that fact far too often. Sometimes it is quite difficult to be patient and wait upon the Lord, but he always comes through, just like winter always leads to spring. Currently God is creating a stronger sense of patience in me than I’ve ever had before, and the springtime is an excellent reminder that sticking it out through the most difficult times will truly lead to a renewed and rejuvenated spirit in Christ!


So there’s a little stream of consciousness about this season of my life, according to how I feel this week anyways! haha. I sincerely hope that we are all seeing new seeds being planted in our hearts this spring J

Also, in honor of spring you should read some e.e cummings because he is DELIGHTFUL and inspiring!!!


“I thank You God for most this amazing

day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees

and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything

which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(I who have died am alive again today,

and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth

day of life and love and wings:and of the gay

great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing

breathing any--lifted from the no

of all nothing--human merely being

doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and

now the eyes of my eyes are opened)”

Musings on Growth!

It’s interesting to see growth in your own life. I feel that as I’m getting older I can so easily see the ways God is working in my life personally and through me in the lives of others. This last year or so of my life has been a season of learning.  I think that we should always be learning and growing in every season of life, but this last year has been quite different.

This year I’ve experienced many joys, changes, losses, hurts, and situations in general that I’d never before experienced. I feel like this last year has been a “coming of age” for me in a spiritual sense. As I’ve experienced new losses and heartache in friendships God has so clearly reminded me that his grace is sufficient and that he is indeed the only filler for the lonely voids in my heart. It is shocking and heartbreaking to come to terms with the fact that you’ve abandoned your first love, but my gracious and loving God continued to actively pursue my heart until I was in a state of utter brokenness. The scales finally came off of my eyes and I was suddenly aware of the fact that I had made relationships an idol in my life. I had bought into the lie that having a romantic relationship or a strong core group of friends could somehow create true happiness, peace, and contentment in my heart. Without fully realizing it that lie took root in my heart and slowly consumed me, and I lost sight of my first and only true love. Thankfully my God is much bigger than any lie could EVER be! I was brought to a state of confusion, frustration, and loneliness in which he made it utterly obvious that I had nowhere left to turn except back into his strong and capable arms. This season of life has been full of role reversals and confusion, doubt and hope, fear and peace, and thankfully a brand new awareness of God’s strong pursuit of my heart. I have become smitten with the love of Jesus Christ, I have been made a new creation once again, and I have grown up a whole LOT! So, this blog is my attempt to keep track of my growth and to hopefully encourage fellow wanderers along the way. I pray that each one of us will have a continual sense of momentum in our daily walks and that we would truly have hearts awhirl with the majesty and love of our Jesus! So stay tuned and thanks a million for reading :) Have the most delightful Thursday ever!!!!

“Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].”

1 Corinthians 13:7