Musings on Growing Up!!! AH!!!

This is from a couple of weeks ago, but it still ties into my life right this moment soooooo I’m going to post these thoughts along with some newer ones J

May 7^th, 2011

I’m sitting in the airport starting to miss home already. It’s funny how attached you can be to your hometown and its surroundings even if you feel like you don’t even really love the town itself. I was home this weekend for my big sister’s college graduation and it’s been quite surreal! It seriously seems like only moments ago we were little girls frolicking around outside and playing with our American Girl Dolls, yet here we are all grown up, well, sort of anyways J

This week has been an odd one. I had two finals, flew home for two days, flew back to Nashville for more finals and RA duties and began moving into my OFF CAMPUS HOUSE!!!! I feel strangely old/mature and also strangely young and naïve. A VERY big part of me wants to stay at home in Florida for the summer, but a small part of me is excited for my first Nashville summer, and for my big sister to finally live with me again. HOORAY! I’m kind of (meaning VERY) afraid of this step towards adulthood. I don’t really know why I’m staying in Nashville this summer except that it made logical sense since we couldn’t get out of paying rent for the summer. God has already been providing financially in awesome ways for me, and my family, and I have two jobs set up for the summer! He has also provided beautiful friendships and a great support system for me here in Nashville and it is becoming ever clearer that God wants me here this summer. Which is AWESOME but also kind of scary…. but mostly exciting!

So, my sister is done with college and starting a brand new chapter of life, and I’m a SENIOR now. BIZZARE! It’s been so weird watching all of the goodbyes and I’ll miss yous and OMG we’re DONEs from my sis and her friends. I can’t help but imagine myself a year down the road as I reach for my diploma and leave college behind. Where will I be headed? Who will be my dearest friends? What will I want to do? How different will I be? And ultimately, what does God have in store for that stage of my life?!?!?! but even more relevant than that…. What does God have in store for this summer?! I have no idea, but It’ll be AMAZING I’m sure J

May 19^th, 2011

So, here I am 2 weeks after all of that graduation craziness, and a week into one of my jobs and a week of living in our new place. My sister moved down on Saturday and the summer has officially started! I’m struggling quite a lot with contentedness and patience as the summer starts. I’m not loving my job, I’m rather stressed about paychecks and rent and all of the complications that money seems to bring to life, and there is some friend drama and struggles that aren’t particularly welcome….. But as I’ve been sitting around being generally pathetic and moping and feeling sad and sorry for myself and the situation that have been coming up in my life the Lord has convicted me once again of my attempts to fill my heart with things other than Him. It’s a trap I seem to fall into very easily! I suppose all of us do really, it’s an unfortunate and SUPER lame part of being human. I’ve been thinking only of myself, and how I could achieve something or receive something from my job and my friends, and even from the Lord. I feel helpless and hopeless, I feel like all of my weaknesses are sticking out and very obvious to those around me, and I feel like I have no idea what is going on! As these feelings began to take root in my heart a dear friend of mine reminded me that Jesus is my BEST FRIEND. He is the end all be all, he is the ONLY thing I need and the ONLY thing that will alleviate the stress and hurt and worry I’m experiencing. It’s about HIM not ME! This summer and my entire life exists only to bring Him glory, and I will do what He has asked of me and I will be thankful of all that He has provided for me, and will be joyful whether I see the purpose behind it or not. Ohhhhhh how easily I forget the depth of his love and his glorious position in my life! This summer is clearly going to be a time of growth and learning. I’m already learning so much about patience and what love REALLY is and how I need to improve in my attitudes and actions when loving others, and it’s only been ONE week!

So, as the summer progresses I know I will not survive without this reminder of God’s position and mercy over my life:

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.] Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls. For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good--not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne.”

Matthew 11:28-30

So, that’s a little bit of what’s going on in my mind right about now. I hope that as this new season begins that we will all be constantly reminded of God’s purpose and grace over our lives. This season is a new journey and transition for many and I pray that we will take it as an opportunity to grow and lean on the Lord rather than fall into stubbornness and silliness as I have recently been susceptible to J

I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency].

Phillippians 4:13

Musings on Provision!

It’s extremely amazing to see how God provides for his children. As the semester is drawing to an end and a new chapter of life is about to begin I’ve spent quite a bit of time reflecting over the last year and how God’s provision is so easily seen in hindsight. It’s funny how we sometimes forget how completely in control He is when we’re caught up in the moment, especially since we humans tend to be so darn emotionally charged and often fearful of all of the possible outcomes of the situations we face. Looking back over all of the difficulties and joys of my junior year, both personally and in my friends’ lives, I so clearly see how uncannily perfect God’s timing is. There have been many times that I’ve doubted and become impatient and confused about how God is moving in my life. Sometimes I feel like He’s moving soooooo slow and maybe doesn’t really know what’s best for me afterall….. it’s funny how our idea of time is so completely different than God’s. What seems like an eternity of waiting around ATTEMPTING to be patient is just a blink of an eye to Him it seems.

Just in the last month God has provided for and blessed me in so many ways! I have a house to live in next year, I have TWO jobs for the summer, I get to go home in 4 days to see my big sister graduate, I get to live OFF CAMPUS with my SISTER and two dear friends, I have a new appreciation of how incredibly blessed I am to have the family that I have, and I’ve been blessed to grow massively in old friendships as well as brand new friendships this semester. Oddly enough, only a few weeks ago I was feeling so fearful and impatient about the summer and next semester in general, but God met every single one of my needs. Funny how he ALWAYS does that J Even now as I’m typing this I’m beginning to worry about the electric bill for my house and how much money I’ll have to spend on furniture and whether the 4 of us girls will really get along as roommates and whether I’ll play my pieces well or not at my piano jury, etc. It’s crazy how quickly these fears and doubts creep into my mind! My prayer for myself, and all of us, as this busy end of the semester craziness begins/continues is that we will continually trust in God’s grace and provision in our lives. He works ALL things together for our good and we have NOTHING to worry about! Just keep confessing that over yourself because it is so incredibly TRUE and freeing! As we face fears and stress we must cling to and trust the Lord. His provision and love WILL sustain us in the present and also in our future.

For the Lord God is a Sun and Shield; the Lord bestows [present] grace and favor and [future] glory (honor, splendor, and heavenly bliss)! No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.  12O Lord of hosts, blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man who trusts in You [leaning and believing on You, committing all and confidently looking to You, without fear or misgiving]!                                                 Psalm 84:11-12

Also, here's a favorite bit of poetry for the week :)

Being to timelessness as it’s to time,

love did no more begin than love will end;

where nothing is to breathe to stroll to swim

love is the air the ocean and the land.